A Hairy Situation: CCHS Snips Students’ Hair

As students know, CCHS announced a new uniform policy for the 2024-2025 school year. The new dress code, which Vice Principal Lori Phillips announced in an email, included a change in uniform vendors, a novel ‘mass uniform,’ and a gradual phasing-out of hoodies and crewnecks. Recently, however, the administration decided these changes alone would not be sufficient to limit distractions and strengthen the school’s identity. Unsatisfied, the administration aims to introduce “revolutionary” alterations to its hair policy. Details of these exciting new changes were shared exclusively with the Catholic Chronicle.

CCHS strongly believes eliminating distractions in the classroom is the key to fostering a healthy academic environment for students. To achieve this goal, the administration has done its best to snuff out as many forms of student self-expression as possible. In addition to eliminating dozens of uniform options, the school will restrict several hairstyles next year. 

Starting next year, CCHS will limit students to three hairstyles. According to the new policy: “Boys may only wear a close-cropped, ‘buzz’ style. Girls may not have hair that falls below the collar.” Additionally, the new hair policy will not permit styles that are frizzy, curly, wavy, or otherwise not completely straight. If a student does not like their designated style, then there is a third option: a monastic tonsure in the style of St. Francis of Assisi. 

CCHS will also ban all hair-styling accessories. The school will severely punish any student who wears clips, scrunchies, bows, or bands in their hair. Furthermore, any student suspected of using gels, sprays, or pomades to style their hair will be disciplined by the administration. 

One of the inspirations behind the novel hair policy is Brother Phillip Lorient, a new administrator at MACS. Formerly a cloistered monk for 30 years, Lorient hopes the new policy will instill a “Godly Grindset” in CCHS students. “The idea behind the slightly shorter hair options is that they limit the proliferation of vanity, pride, and lust in the classroom,” he said. “Gen Z spends too much time worrying about their looks and coveting the appearance of others. Do you know who never worried about his looks? —Jesus Christ didn’t!”

When asked if the ban on hair accessories might face backlash from students, he said, “Truly, truly, I say to you, the students will be grateful for this opportunity to unite under their faith. They’ll be just fine. Do you know who never once wore a scrunchie in his life?” 

Brother Lorient kindly shared his favorite aspects of the new hair policy: 

• In a 180 from the existing rule, CCHS will encourage all students to grow facial hair so that they can “live more fully in the image of Christ.” 

• Hair colors will be restricted to brown and, in some cases, very, very dark gray. Black hair will not be permitted, as it is “too goth and demonic for a Catholic school.” Any student not in compliance will be forced to dye their hair 

• All students must shave their eyebrows and leg hair for Lent. Shaving supplies will be distributed to each D Period teacher before Ash Wednesday Mass.
  

When asked how exactly these policies would better the school community, Brother Lorient recalled the events of 2 Kings 2:23-24. 

CCHS also permitted the Catholic Chronicle to reveal the new hair policy with one student ahead of time for research purposes. For security reasons, the interview was vetted by the administration. Freshman [Redacted] expressed his [joy] for the new policy. “This policy is complete and utter [excellence]!” he said. “First the [excellent] uniform policy and now this?! ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssss “It makes me so [joyful] that there are so many [options to choose from] at CCHS these days. I just want the freedom to express myself and I [do]! sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.”

To avoid further hair policy violations, the administration will make clear the consequences that students who violate the new hair policy will face. This summer, the school will send out a waiver that families will have to sign if they wish to return to CCHS for the 2024-2025 school year. The waiver will require parents to consent to special punishments in the event that their child violates the new hair policy. One that caught the Catholic Chronicle’s attention was “forceful and public tonsuring” in the commons during break.

Photo Credit: Harrison Lawrence